i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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