i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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