Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize