You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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