Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize