Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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