When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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