Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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