My nipple is on Facebook.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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