I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize