he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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