I will die if light touches me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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