Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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