Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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