I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Iβm at that point in my trip where Iβm kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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