Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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