I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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