I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize