i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize