Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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