Can Purell be used as lube?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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