Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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