You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize