Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize