Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize