Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize