I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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