I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tell me about the eggs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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