I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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