you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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