Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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