i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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