hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize