dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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