Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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