I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize