Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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