well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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