And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize