I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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