What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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