A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize