I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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