I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
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She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just invented taco cereal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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