I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize