I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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