That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize