Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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