hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize