The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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