I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize