my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a kid would responsible me up
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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