11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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